2010

This is it - the last day of the year 2010. And boy, what a journey it has been! In retrospect, this has been a really eventful year for me. From everything that has happened in the past 365 days, I now find myself that little bit older (inevitable), that little bit more mature, and that little bit..wiser. I can't say I now know all the answers to life's questions (gimme a break, I've only been around for 21 years! :P ) but I can say I have grown, thanks to life's best teacher - experience.

The Ups of 2010! :)

• I turned 21! :) Threw a bash in conjunction with Dad's birthday, spent the night surrounded by blue and silver helium baloons, family, friends, and lots and lots of love. Regrettably, there was no speech, but two friends sang for me! :) (Thanks, dudes.)
• Easter Weekend - Of heart to heart convos about One Tree Hill characters, of mustering every ounce of confidence we had and cannon-balling into the water. Very, very interesting weekend.
• Melbourne - My very first holiday on my own! Caught the Tim Burton Exhibit, tasted Durian Gelato, stared at the walls of MoVida Alley in awe, relished yummy chocolate treats at Koko Black, shopped at the DFO's and most importantly, caught up with my high school friends after yoooonks. Carpe diem-ed alright. :)
• Catching Linkin Park live in Perth - Simply E.P.I.C. this was a dream come true! 
• Catching Victor Wooten live in Perth - Went in not knowing anything about the bass guitar, but was blown away all the same. 
• Circle of Death at Sta's 18th - My first go at a drinking game. Was as red as a lobster waaay faster than everyone else (but that's expected). What happened that night will never ever again be relived (on my part, anyway), but trust me, it was very, very fun.
• Summer Roadtrip to Albany - My very first roadtrip, ever! :) With views that took my breath away, laughing ourselves silly over 'Yo Mama' jokes, pigging out on spaghetti, IndoMee and CrunchyNut, Circle of Death Part II, what's there to not love? A roadtrip to remember for always - and to everyone who was there...thanks for the good times, guys. :) Love you long time.
• Studying 3rd Year of Podiatric Medicine - I actually enjoyed this year immensely. I think the fact that my Year Coordinator took the time to get to know all of us personally really made a vast difference, compared to previous years. I also enjoyed my clinical placements, they really added on to what we were already learning about in theory.
• Clubbing - LOL. This one night out has managed to convert me from a 'What, clubbing?! No way!!' to a 'Hey, it's not so bad after all'. But imo, I think this only works with the right group of friends. And don't worry, if you happen to fall in the group of friends that prefers boardgames, movies, chilling or just talking in a nice cafe somewhere, count me in - this still beats clubbing hands down, any day! In my books, anyway. 
• Falling in love. That warm, fuzzy feeling is very nice. :)
• Getting our PR! For this, I can only say: Thank God :)

The Downs of 2010. :(

• Lost my purse, or rather, it was taken from me. Pree-tee stressful, having to lodge a police report and having to call up the bank to cancel my cards and blablabla. I remember being super devastated because I lost a picture of me and my siblings that I kept in that purse. Upside: Received 3 new purses for my birthday! 
• Saw a pilonidal cyst (naaaastyyyy) and fainted one day at my RPH placement and had to be wheeled into ED. Very embarassing. Few months down, I was there again for placement, and one of the podiatrists there suddenly brought up the topic of this 'student who fainted once after seeing smth nasty' and was like, 'OMG THAT WAS YOU?!' and he lost it. Upside: At least i've seen a pilonidal cyst once in my life... =/ and thank God for Pastor and Auntie Kim who came to bring me home from the hospital. 
• Had to write an essay even though I smashed my first semester Pharmacology exam, because I left out some points in my answer which resulted in a seriously life-threatening situation for a patient. Upside: At least we were all in it together - Me, Aloy, Gabs and Devin. :) And we all know what to do now should an LA overdose occur.
• Falling out of love, or at least, the attempt to. It was a period of suckanoodle days for me, and I didn't like it one bit. I did finally come to terms with it, and I must say, the book 'Passion & Purity' really helped. Big Time. And listening to Lifehouse prolly played a part too. Upside: As sucky as it was, it was a good life experience, Passion & Purity - one of the BEST books i've ever read, and Lifehouse is now one of my favourite bands. My faith in God, I feel, has also been strengthened through this episode, and I feel that maybe I had to go through all that I did for a bigger reason, for a plan that only He knows.
• Pissed one of my very good friends off on more than one occasion - please, please know that it was not intentional. Upside: We are still very good friends. :)
• The fact that this year has just flown by, just like that. Too fast...too fast.

Verdict: 2010 was a good year.

And now we're approaching a brand new year, with more challenges than ever before. I haven't really thought about Resolutions, but I have decided that I will try my utmost to see the best in people around me and to believe in the good in them. No matter how badly they piss me off. I think I also have to make more decisions (as opposed to ALWAYS being indecisive) and learn how to say NO. I'm actually pretty apprehensive of 2011, it will be my final year in uni - after that I'm supposed to know everything and go out into the world and be a..podiatrist! It is a scary thought. 

Speaking of scary and not knowing what the future brings - there is no other way around it then to step into it, right? Life is after all, full of risks and consequences. (For some reason, 'online shopping' comes to mind when I think of the word 'risks' o.0)

But if there's one thing I've learnt, not only from this year, but also from the past years, is that I have a God on my side who will never leave me nor forsake me, and so, I know He will be there before I get to where I do, in 2011. He holds my hand today, tomorrow and forever. He is my God. :)

So here's to another awesome year ahead, here's to seizing the day, and here's to no missed opportunities, no what ifs, and no should haves, here's to embracing life and all the good times (and not so good times) 2011 will bring. All in good faith..all in good faith. :)

"How bout we do this together? On the count of two? Ready?" 

"Ready."

"One...Two."

Happy New Year, everyone. :)

Christmas 2010

How I spent Christmas this year:

• Christmas Service at church on Saturday (pretty geng chorus by the chinese side choir)
• Secret Santa exchange with the lovely girls (Sta is ossum)
• BBQ and beach with the family on Christmas day (Turkey sausages, mustard n herb marinated lamb, bbq steak, teriyaki chicken and onions *nomnomnom*)
• Dessert at mine on the night of Boxing Day (Konnyaku Jelly, Jelly Slice, Cookies n Cream icecream and Winner: ALMONDY DAIM CAKE ! *slurp*)
• Then brainless button bashing on the PS3 with Tekken 6 (Seeing Joy n Becs button bash was hilarious, and I think we all established that Loony takes the cake with this one)
• And then Pictionary till way past midnight (Loony almost took the cake with this one) - Thank you all (Esther, Loony, Rick) for awesome company!
• Opened Christmas gifts on Monday morning, the 27th (this has happened 2 years in a row now, maybe we should just make it an official thing for our family LOL). Best gift of the lot: Polaroid Camera from Nick! =D Still very over the moon about it! :)
• Then had a big big lunch and spent the arvo watching one of my favourite Disney movies 'Enchanted'. (Still very good the 4th time!)
• Pretty much spent today at IKEA ($5 brekkie and for lunch, 20 meatballs for $5!!) and Spotlight :)

So there you have it. In a nutshell, I spent Christmas this year at my favourite place (the beach), with heaps of food and sleep-ins (of course they top the list of my favourite things to do!) and most important of all,  with my favourite people (you know who you are)! :) Quite possibly the BEST Christmas yet! :) :) :)

39 degrees

To treasure up all these things, and ponder them in my heart. :)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

goosfraba

I would really like to vent, but that would be just plain mean.

So I'm just gonna keep repeating this in my head until I find myself a pick-me-up, or a chill pill. (And to be reminded again of this last night, how timely.)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 -

So I've highlighted the phrases and words that apply best to me at this point of time. 

Gosh, I am so irritated...*sighs* 

Anyways, let's not go there. Paul says in Philippians to think of anything excellent or praiseworthy, so here we go: "Love is patient, love is kind..it does not envy, it does not boast...."

F.W.B.

"..Just cause it's all in your head, doesn't mean it has to be in mine..."

- Only One, Lifehouse -

The Rhythm of Love

At first I wondered why my gingerbread man didn't get a nice dress, or a beanie, or gloves, or buttons, but then I realized that I was overlooking what it already had - a BIG heart, and a smile. :)

Much love to Joy and Rebecca for making me this cookieman!

This has totally made my day, and I know seeing it again tomorrow will continue to make me smile

And this happiness shall last until...I eat it all up. :P

Even so, I'm glad I have this picture to remind me of what Mr Cookieman used to be.

Yay for Tim and his iPhone!

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." -Helen Keller

a little bit of this, a little bit of that

*whew* I am mentally drained. Spent the entire day at the UWA Clinic today, but thank God that my patient load today wasn't too intense. I actually had time for lunch, although quite regrettably, I only brought an apple and an orange. Didn't think i would have time for lunch, based on my last placement experience at the clinic. Oh well, I suppose it's a good thing - jian fei! :P Actually, no, I just remembered: Heather (the receptionist) gave us about 4 chockies each. "For sustenance," she said. So much for jian fei-ing. Lol.

I carried out my first ever surgical procedure today - a partial resection and phenolisation of the hallux nail! In simple English: I operated on an ingrown toenail of the big toe. Basically what I did was (and this was done step by step, following my supervisor's lead) take out the edge of the nail that was digging into the skin and causing the toe to hurt. It wasn't a messy procedure, but it was fairly bloody. Not extremely, but still enough to make some knees go weak. Therefore, not surprisingly, my one and ONLY thought before carrying it out: Please please pleeeeeeeeeease don't let me faint! :P Apparently I did very well (well..okay, not like my supervisor can tell me I did a bad job in front of the patient, lol), so all in all, that was pretty much THE most exciting thing that happened today! :D Yay! And it's things like this that make me not regret volunteering to come in to the clinic over summer. Otherwise, I do sometimes get a very 'meh' feeling about having to go back to clinic, especially on a Sunday night.

I have also just turned blackanese from my Albany sunburn. I should probably mention that 2 days ago, my face started peeling, making it look as if I had fungus growing all over my face. It was terrible! Hopefully all that peeling and dead skin's gone. Now I just look...black. Speaking of my sunburn - vanity got the better of me today, so I decided to wear my glasses so that my sunnies tan doesn't look that obvious. Yes, it's that bad - you can totally draw a line to separate my different shades of skin colour! What? We're all entitled to vainpot moments once in a while, kay. 0:)

Anyway, check out the view from The Wind Farm. That was an absolutely beautiful reminder of God's presence with us that day in Albany - indeed, how great Thou art!

"When I feel afraid, and think I've lost my way

Still you're there right beside me

Nothing will I fear, as long as You are near

Please be near me to the end."

Don't be afraid to do it.

"Just in case you haven't figured this out yet, men need to be hit over the head with things, sometimes frying pans, mostly love."

- One Tree Hill.

i woke up with a smile

my happiness from last night is still hanging around.

two engagements in a span of 4 days! (not mine, of course :P)

especially happy for J & C, it's been a loooooong time coming!

i imagine my joy will be twenty-fold when this starts happening to those closest and dearest to me. :P

and then 100-fold, when it's my turn! xD (IF it ever happens, and God-willing, of course)

but let's not go there, the time is not yet due.

in the meantime, does feel good to be basking in the life of singleness! (just avoid places where there are couples all around you LOL. and no over-thinking!)

naw, in all seriousness, i'm happy where i am, and enjoying it. :) although it does feel pretty bleh at times. only natural, right? :P

ROADTRIP TO ALBANY IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENTTTTTTTT IT'S GONNA BE EPIC FUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! :D

i

can be such a goob sometimes.

gah!

*foreheadslap*

tickled

"You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it, it's all your fault!"

- Head over feet, Alanis Morissette -

Was listening to this on the radio on my way home that night.

Everytime a chorus came around I found myself being tickled by that last line, in particular.

It's like she's scolding the person she fell in love with.

Isn't she just as much to blame as he is?

If anything, wouldn't it be more her fault for allowing herself to fall in love with him?

LOL. Maybe I have a pretty weird sense of humour, but I find it funny.

Not that it's a bad thing to fall in love.

Just sayin', y'know. :P

Heartbeat

What does it take to be the bigger person?

Maybe I haven't seen enough of the world to know, or maybe I'm just naive.

But I think the answer lies within. Literally.

I think all it takes, is a heart.

And so, as long as your heart is beating, I think you're more than capable of being the bigger person. :)

If the shoe fits, wear it.

#9. To you: If time could be bought, expect some from me every time Christmas or your birthday comes around..and then some more, just because. :P

#8. To you: I think you're bordering the edge of insane, but I've gotta hand it to you for having the patience and persistence that you do. Let's hope they beat insane hands down.

#7. To you: We hardly talk anymore, and being at opposite ends of the globe doesn't help. But what I do know is that whatever you do or wherever you are, I think you will be just great. In fact, you sound just like one of those influential, dynamic, go-getter characters out of a Jeffrey Archer book! Coz that's what you have always been, and that's what you are - destined for greatness.

#6. To you: Humility. Hard work. Perseverance. Sacrificial love. All these you have taught and shown me. Now that I have seen, I will follow.

#5. To you: Thanks, but no thanks. :) That is all.

#4. To you: I hope you never have to leave or go away, it's awesome having you around! Coz seriously, I wouldn't know what to do without you.

#3. To you: There really isn't a need to be rushing things, so wait a bit, stop to smell the roses along the way - it will be worth it.

#2. To you: It's funny how we seem to be quite alike in some ways, more than we realize. But if you're anything like me, you will see what I see, in the midst of all you hear and all they say. Underneath it all.

#1. To you: I hope you find your happiness. You deserve that much. :)

p.s. Nine because that was my jersey number and I like it!

the little things

this definitely makes the wish list.

to grow old together.

to still do the really small things for each other.

like saying goodnight. saying 'I love you.'

like holding hands.

it makes me smile every single time, without fail

seeing it happen in front of my eyes.

well then, till we meet.

oh why lullaby?

not gonna ask, not gonna question

not even gonna think

i'm just gonna

be.

"What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive."

- You and Me, Lifehouse -

ohmygoodness

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

the horror. :O

of murtabak, prata and teh tariks.

stuff what my brain's been telling me (for quite a while now), today was therapy.

awesome weather. weeds taller than me.

telepathically willing dogs to attack each other.

getting totally disorientated and entering another 'dimension' (haha).

just talking, laughing.

just you being you and me being me.

and above all, just hangin' out.

on my part, it was with a clear conscience, there was no tugging at anybody's heartstrings, nothing complicated of that sort.

it was just like old times, and it was good.

not that i 'lost' you along the way..and not like we 'fell out' or anything like that, but i think both space and time-out are on their way to having served their purpose completely. for me, at least.

and so after all that's happened - the emotional turmoil, the tears and frowns (unseen, of course), and the heart-guarding - i guess what i'm really trying to say is that i have missed you, friend.

so yeah, i guess i really am okay. but if that was a blinded statement made based on the fact that i had such a good morning, then at the very least, i know i'm getting there. fer sho! :)

"..So who knows oh oh maybe I'm feeling better

And you know oh oh baby I'm getting better

And I feel alive with you

Baby I'm getting better

And I feel alright with you

Baby I'm getting there.."

- Baby I'm Getting Better, Gyroscope-

Mark 9:24

"Please, allow me my moment of weakness."

I was only looking for a shortcut home

But it's complicated, so complicated

Somewhere in this city is a road I know

Where we could make it

But maybe there's no making it now.

Too long we've been denying

Now we're both tired of trying

We hit a wall, and we can't get over it

Nothing left to relive

It's water under the bridge

You said it, I get it

I guess it is what it is.

- It Is What It Is, Lifehouse -

Love this song, but these lyrics just make me feel so sad.

pang

not sure what it was, or how to even describe it..

but i definitely felt it.

Circle of Death

#1. Gotta love the birthday girl. :)

"Ok, topic is dogs. Name any type of dog."

Esther: Labrador!

Mel : Dalmatian!

Nick : Chihuahua!

Andrew : Samoyed!

STA : WOLF!

The rest of us: DRINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! LOLOLOL.

#2. Quote of the night by Esther.

"Man, look at us, we're all so red, except for Andrew, he's not red coz he's too black to turn red."

#3. Cerebral dysfunction is what happens when I drink.

Esther : Mel! Mel! Whats 81 divided by 9?

Mel : TWO!

Good times. :) But never again. Not this much, not this fast, anyway.

This is for you

And in the midst of it all, I see your strength and courage

I see you smile despite the weight on your shoulders

I smile back at you, but on the inside, I'm also crying with you

Yet I have hope.

Hope in my heart, hope in you..and hope in Him.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

- Romans 5:3-5 -

refuge

is (currently) listening to 'Closer to the Edge' by 30 Seconds to Mars on loop.

i know some people who would consider this to be screamer music (my parents, for one). and honestly, i thought it was a bit chaotic when i first listened to it.

but now i love it.

maybe it's the fact that 30 seconds to Mars remind me of Linkin Park (who will always rock, no matter how crappy their albums seem to be getting.. :P).

it could be because i'm blown away by the supermegaawesome e-guitar+drum combo that you're hearing in the background.

or maybe because the official video started off by saying things like "Live life to the fullest,", and "Don't regret whatever you've done or whatever's happened, because those things make you who you are." Stuff like that.

or maybe it's because they're screaming their lungs out, pouring all their feelings and emotions into the words of the song, letting themselves become absorbed in the music, letting themselves be the music..letting themselves go.

maybe it's got nothing to do at all with the song per se, but everything to do with me drowning myself in this song, just taking everything in to block everything else out.

in any case, it's comforting, particularly with speakers/headphones with a bass booster. :)

"NO, I'M NOT SAYING I'M SORRY

ONE DAY MAYBE WE'LL MEET AGAIN

NO, NO, NO, NO..."

-Closer to the Edge, 30 Seconds to Mars-

Abide in His love

A snippet of the conversation I was listening in on over lunch at RPH today:

Podiatrist : Argh, I still have to think of somewhere to go for my children's christening..

Receptionist : Ooh, that's lovely! And you gotta think of something to get them as well..

Podiatrist : Yeah, speaking of which, guess what my grandmom's given my 2 children. BIBLES. Children's Bibles.

(Here, I thought, "NICE!! Nothing better than starting them young.. (: " and I had this tiny smile creeping up my face until I hear the next thing she says..)

Podiatrist : My grandad gave me some money to pay for the christening, "Thanks Grandad, at least this will come in handy.." BUT BIBLES!! -_-" what the HECK am I sposed to do with them?

(Here I'm frownface >=/ NOT the response I was expecting to hear..)

Receptionist : Oh, but that's really nice of her, I think people usually give bibles at christenings anyway..

(Here she got rudely cut off)

Podiatrist: But we're not religious!

Receptionist : Yeah, but I think it's tradition with these sorts of things, to give Bibles..

Podiatrist : BUT WE'RE NOT RELIGIOUS!!!

(Here I'm thinking, Geez ladeh, you don't know what's good for you..)

Podiatrist: Never have been religious..oh my God, I have to go to church for the whole of the next two months.

Receptionist : Oh, what for?

Podiatrist : So that I can get my kid into this school that I want..I've asked my husband to come with me but he refuses..ugh, things we do for kids.

(Here I'm like, ugh. -.-" facepalmslapforeheadmode.)

Of course, I kept eating my sandwich during the entire conversation. I wish I could've just said something along the lines of Bibles are good and useful and awesome, and it's the BEST thing you could possibly pass on to children, and that our God is good and powerful and awesome...but I couldn't. Didn't really know how to. =/ Especially in a situation like that. Mm.. score 0 for evangelizing. I feel terrible for not doing it, aren't we supposed to stand up for our faith and Christ? Just not a gift or a talent I have, I suppose..to speak about Christianity freely with people, to tell them about my awesome God. Like, I need them to ask me about it first, if not I wouldn't know how to start. (Despite those little colourful booklet training sessions we had at Youth once.) Ah well, hopefully there will be more opportunities - hopefully ones that suit my character better ie. yes, come and ask me questions about why I believe in God and Jesus and I will tell you.

And so with a sigh, I started on my pear.

Sshhh

So Araluen didn't work out today - but neither did basketball.

I mean, was there physically, but head just wasn't in it.

I dunno, maybe it was the wind. Or maybe because I'm still recovering from being unwell. Maybe it was coz S & S didn't join us.

Safe to say everyone had a pretty bad run today - but I guess we're all entitled to our off days.

Today's one of those days where I wake up and just don't feel like talking - it's not because something's bothering me, it's not because i don't have anything to say, i just don't feel like talking.

Usually it doesn't bug me, but today the silence was a bit deafening.

Today's also one of those days where I think how nice it would be to have a dog, so I can pat it and look at it and not have to say anything, yet pour my heart out to it, and have it understand me..all in complete silence.

And I wonder, in all this calm and quiet and stillness - would I be able to hear His gentle whispers?

More than Words

And so, I have finally finished Passion & Purity for the 2nd time. A few more things I've drawn from this book:

#4. I really like this particular entry from Elisabeth Elliot's journal:

"So it was with our little kernel of possibility. So small, but buried. And I asked God to water it, there in its darkness, and transform the dead thing into fruit. What fruit will He bring forth? If only it could be that from so small a seed He might create the fruits of the Spirit in me, even just the beginning of learning of them: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance."

Not that I still hope, I just really like how she shifted her focus to the Fruits of the Spirit instead of dwelling on 'what-ifs'.

#5. What guys look for in girls, apparently:

Feminity. Affirmation. Encouragement. Tenderness. Sensitivity. Vulnerability.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

- 1 Peter 3:3-4 -

Although, that being said, we do live in a world now where guys sit around waiting for the phone to ring and girls get angry if a guy holds a door open for them (no offence meant!). Times may have changed, but I'm all for the good old-fashioned boy-makes-1st-move-rule. :)

#6. "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." -Jim Elliot -

Seriously. Life's too short - I can't think of any good thing that comes out of pining and emo-ing, although I have been, maybe still am, guilty of both. "Wherever you are, be all there," says Jim, "live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

#7. Letting go. There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process. When the time comes for us to let go and we refuse, we stop growing. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, God gives, and God takes away. I believe God places feelings in our hearts, but that doesn't mean that it is ours and we can do what we want with it, rather, it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish and ours to lose - if His will demands it and if our hearts are set on Him. Auntie Kim once said that has stuck with me, "To gain something, that's knowledge. To let it go, that's wisdom." She is very wise. :)

#8. Loving vs. being in love. I think C.S. Lewis summed it all up really nicely :

"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all...In fact, the state of being in love usually does not last...But of course ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love..is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God...They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

After 5 long years of waiting, Jim & Elisabeth finally married, and it was beautiful. :)

This will be the last post that I'm writing with regards to this book. Yay for lessons learnt! Hopefully you've learnt something as well, if you've gotten this far without falling asleep (LOL i know, it's uber wordy, and I apologize, I really can't be bothered separating them into multiple posts).

I'm strengthened and encouraged..and shall end on this note:

"Sometimes being brave means holding on..sometimes, it's letting go."

maybe

it is because i'm sick

or my tastebuds have just gone wonky

or i have done minimal talking today, seeing as i'm home alone

...but plain water has never tasted so horrible!

:(

Many Happy Returns

ok, so maybe i shouldn't have said it. but i dunno, seemed like the perfect occasion to do so.

=/

ANYWAYS.

on a sidenote: blogs are outdated, but that's the whole point - perfect for when you don't wanna tell the whole world what's happening on fb. (Y)

waffles on tues, conference at the end of the week. woohoo, excited! :D

Calloused Heart

Woke up waaay before the alarm went off today, which is weird considering I slept at 1+ am.

Woke up with an overwhelming sense of unrest. Gave it to God, feeling a bit better now.

Woke up to reality, to the fact that this whole thing isn't going to be as easy as it seems.

#3.

"So I put you on the altar."

-Jim Elliot -

The readiness to give up that which is most precious (or close enough, anyway) to you, just like Abraham. Thought that was pretty profound. To not forcibly cut communication lines so you can each move on with life, but to keep the correspondence as friends and be willing to offer it all to the Lord, no matter what the outcome.

Granted, it might make more sense to 'cool it', to allow the silence and distance to help you see things with cool reason...but to be able to have faith as such, to NOT keep a distance..it astounds me.

I have much to learn.

I'm fine, thank you.

I realize my last 2 posts may come across as being totally emo. I assure you, I wasn't emo when I wrote them, and I'm not emo now either.

It's all good! :)

Here's my heart.

"I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, I wished that I could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there."

-Passion & Purity, Elisabeth Elliot -

Oh-ho, spot on! Exactly how I felt on more than one occasion over the last year.

I know God gives, and God takes away..but why hasn't He taken these feelings of mine away?

I had this principle: I always thought that the man I give my heart to would be the man I marry. He would have my heart to hold, to love, to protect.

In retrospect, I think that perhaps I was a little misguided there.

I've come to realize that my heart belongs first and foremost to God - everything else will follow. The man I marry (IF i do, that is) will have to accept that, and I'm hoping that his heart belongs to God too.

I could live with that. :)

That was Lesson #2.

"..Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me
You are with me
I, I, I can't deny
No, I can't deny
That You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me
You are with me.."

- Light up the Sky, The Afters -

3 times

it says in Song of Songs : "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

"He (the Pastor) interpreted this to mean that no one, man or woman, should be agitated about the choice of a mate, but should be 'asleep' as it were, in the will of God, until it should please Him to 'awake' him."

-Passion & Purity, Elisabeth Elliot -

It's all very well if you're happily single and free as a lark, this will come across as good advice.

If you're unhappily single and stressing about getting old and omgwhatifi'msingleforlife?! - this will come across as even better advice. Take it to heart!

Or you may fall under this category of "Too late! I think I'm in love.." Uh-oh. How now brown cow?

Yeah, sure, easy to say "Just don't think of him/her!" In reality though, a line from the song 'Kill' by Jimmy Eat World comes to mind:

"I can't help it baby, this is who I am

I am sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel.."

It's hard (but not impossible), especially when there is absolutely no reason for you to hold a grudge, no reason for you to cut all communication lines, no reason for you to give each other the silent treatment..it's especially hard when you're already such good friends.

But what if it was never God's will for you to be with him/her in the first place?

Then surely He wouldn't have allowed me to feel this way about him/her for so long, right?

I don't claim to be an expert in BGRs and love, and I don't know how to answer that last question. I have heard people say, "I have a feeling it's God's will, it just feels..right, y'know? And I've felt this way for so long already, it must mean something..."

All I know and can say is that He must have a reason behind it. Also, I don't think it's wrong to love (In fact, Jesus said, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another."), but it has dawned on me that it is what I do with those feelings that matter.

I could let it get the better of me, so that when things don't quite go the way I want them to, I stress and get agitated and worry about what the future holds for me...and then slowly evolve into a bitter Miss Crankypants and end up hating him, myself and God...

Or I could love him anyway, but take that love to God and leave it in His hands. To love, but to commit all heartfelt desires to God and let Him do what He wants with that love. Keep it there, take it away, dissolve it, increase it, whatever.

I have chosen the latter - to love by faith.

So there you have it. One of the 1st lessons i've drawn from reading Passion & Purity. Agree? Disagree? All thoughts welcome. :)

I am currently reading a book that I wish I had known about yonks ago.

But then again, if that were the case, I doubt I would be able to relate to it as much as I currently am.

I'm going to finish reading it once, and then read it again, and post my thoughts here.

Halfway through at the moment - it is really starting to put Christ, relationships and the issue of life partner into perspective.

Truth be told, I'm quite amazed at how much sense it makes, why didn't I think that way to start with?

I guess this is what you'd call taking baby steps to maturity - mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Stay tuned, there might be a coupla life lessons you could take up from upcoming posts! :)

sad realization

when total strangers offer you more encouragement than the people you know.

when she's just not that into you.

when he's just not that into you.

when the only way out is to be apathetic.

and Jason Derulo's 'What If' video. :'(

ridonkulous

how everything around me reminds me of you.

loving you.

it's been a year.

a roller coaster ride.

happy times that make me giddy.

not so happy times that frustrate me.

learning, living, loving.

it's been a year.

of learning that you hate stalks.

that Picnic bars are your absolute favourite.

that you love your emails.

it's been a year.

of espreskis, frozen coke.

of smiles, hugs, two eye winks.

rants, vents, everything to share.

you were always there.

...i can't continue.

it's been a year.

Happy birthday, Sam.

Love

I may be wrong, but I think it's meant to hurt.

Cause if it doesn't, well, then..maybe you haven't really loved at all.

Dear God,

Please, please, please let us be cool.

Amen.

:D

A guy friend once said to me, "Girls always think that us guys don't know anything, and we're always scolded because we don't know what girls want. But at the end of the day, I don't think girls themselves actually know what they want."

Lol.

everything and nothing

my hairtie is the same colour as my socks today. not that you'd know or notice, of course. so, NOT a mismatch even though no other clothing on me today sports something in baby pink.

i'm now in UWA's science library after being parted from the main campus for aeons. it felt good walking through uni and seeing the cream coloured buildings and brick-red pavements again. enjoyed my morning walk tremendously. even better to see that there exists other human life-forms around campus, as opposed to just us Pods & Dents over at QEII. lol. yeah, that's how secluded we've become. sad, but true.

in about 2 weeks and abit, i will be going to see Victor Wooten live! i don't claim to know much about the bass guitar, heck, i don't even play it all that well! but i've seen his videos, and man, it would be nice to catch him performing in real life. just like CATS, i think it's definitely a box to check in life! :)

also, in about a month's time i will be attending a Podiatry State Conference (another box to check, woot!). a coupla 4th years are going to present their research topic, which will be interesting, and Jon will be too. Jon's a fresh grad, doing Honours in Pod - i still can't believe he's only 20! The thought of embarassing him with huuuge signs and uber loud cheers as he walks up to present is very, very tempting. :P He is quite the shy.

looks like i've got heaps coming my way this August/Sept - party, assignments, basketball, Victor Wooten, all-day Monday placements, birthday celebrations, Brother's Night, conference - let's just hope i don't get snowballed. and not to mention, broke.

reading The Time Traveller's Wife at the moment, and i listen to Train's 'If It's Love' almost everyday. loving both book and song very much.

Thinking of you

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,

For me it happens all the time."

- Need You Now, Lady Antebellum-

Y'know, working all day every Saturday cuts my weekend in half. :(

Harder than it looks

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."

- Matthew 5:9-

How, especially when everybody's tired and mad at each other?

:'(

I hate when this happens.

Herpes Zoster - the Shingles!

2nd day back at uni! i have to say: compared to last semester, this semester is looking a lot less hectic. mainly because Pathology is outta the way. on most days I only have afternoon classes - i even have half day fridays now! :) woot.

also, good to know that everybody passed both our Podiatry exams..despite some completely off the tangent, horribly answered questions. lol. i quote my lecturer: "OH MY GODDD you guys!" But at least we all passed.

On a sidenote: How interesting, I now know of someone else who's had shingles! (Bit of a Bio lesson for you: It's caused by the same virus that causes chicken pox, but it has to be re-activated for it to become shingles. Otherwise, the virus remains dormant in your body's nervous system.) I remember getting it when I was young. Both Sta and I - it's contagious. I don't remember anything much from it, except feeling a pain across my tummy which turned into a rash within a couple of days and then into a blistery rash after that. It was pretty disgusting because it sort of became pus-filled. =/

My parents thought it was a rash - and they were right, but my grandparents, they knew better. They took Sta and I to this house, where a Chinese old couple lived. I remember them exchanging a few Chinese words, possibly Foochow, and the word 'snake' kept coming up. And then, without any warning (except for not to look, but there was no way I could look anyway), they stuck this lighted piece of ..something (wood? herb? Sta reckons it was a golden feather o.0) near my ears and my back. And in these 3 spots, everytime they did it, there was a 'Pop!' sound. It hurt really bad, I remember crying after the first one!

Later on they explained that Chinese tradition attributed the rash to some 'snakey' thingey. I don't think it meant there was some sort of snake living in me (impossible, right? o.0), they just believed it had something to do with a snake. So where they burnt me - my ears and my back - those spots were meant to represent snake eyes and the back of its head. And because shingles typically spreads in a ring-like fashion around your body, the Chinese believe that when the rash makes a complete round, the person may die. =/ At the time my rash was already halfway round my body.

It's strange because the rash stopped spreading after that. I don't remember taking any anti-virals. All i had was some cream to dry out the area. It scabbed up and completely healed after a few days..so that's the story of shingles and me.

Funny, isn't it? Chinese tradition vs. modern medicine. Call it old-fashioned and non-scientific and whatever you will, but it works! :P I wonder what Western doctors would have to say about that.

Heavy wings grow lighter

*croak*

My throat is not getting any better. Maccas' Ogre Burger and Frozen Apple Drink Thingy, Bundy's Ginger Beer, Picnic Bars, Coffee, Hot Chocolate, Chips and BubbleTea over the weekend has finally taken its toll, I think.

On the brightside, had a lovely weekend of catching up, poker, and expanding my vocabulary (thanks to kimsamgreg) Actually, I'm not even sure if that's a good thing. :S I have learnt words that I shall not mention here. Lol. Oh, and I've finished my Essay! :) 3 down, 2 to go.

I've created an exclusive travel-blog solely for the purposes of preserving my expedition memories, knowing how short-term my memory can get. Sad, but true. It was also created based on the assumption that I would have travelled quite a substantial bit by the time I reach the age of 50. Lol. Far-fetched, but one can always hope.. =P (And yes, that's where my Melbourne posts have disappeared to, if you're wondering)

It's back to uni for me today, first lecture of the semester starts at 1.30 pm later on. :(

Two songs have been stuck in my head for a while now - Vanilla Twilight by Owl City and this one. Can't think of a better way to kill time, so here you go..brought to you by Uncle Kracker:

SMILE :)

You´re better than the best

I´m lucky just to linger in your life

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that´s right :)

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me

Lets me know that it´s okay, yeah it´s okay

And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile :)

Even when you´re gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile :)

Don´t know how I lived without you

Coz everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed

Sing like bird

Dizzy in my head

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile

Ohh you make me smile

Ohh you make me smile :)

Newest (and cutest) additions to the family of cuddlies in my bedroom:

Mr. Moshy Breadou and Maloo the Moose, all the way from Finland :)

(the moose, I mean, not the bread..I don't think. lol)

I can't believe myself

*sighs* i'm feeling abit blue because

...i haven't gotten around to writing my two assignment essays (will the dude who wrote the assignment topic hurry up and reply my email?!)

...i got honked at for no apparent reason today.

...i just found out that despite passing my exam, i have to write a 400 word essay to ‘Describe the appropriate treatment of an inadvertent intravascular injection of a larger dose of lignocaine’ because apparently, the answer i gave in my Pharmacology exam 'seriously threatened patient safety'. gosh, i don't even rmbr what i wrote. =/

...only 1/10 patients turned up for my placement on Monday, so with nothing better to do, the podiatrist at Derbarl Yerrigan blasted me with heaps and heaps of questions, and he made me realize that there are soooo many things i'm supposed to know but don't. Don't get me wrong though, I'm really grateful he did that. At least now I have some direction, I know what I have to concentrate on. I just really hate my short term memory.

...it's been raining craploads, it's been soooooo gloomy everyday.

...my holidays are coming to an end.

And while i'm here whinging my head off, I have just found out that my fellow Pod mate's sister died recently. Backpacking trip in Banos, Equador. 25 years old.

Crap.

I'm gonna shut up now. And have a think about what truly matters.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Ow,

it's starting to hurt.

I've forgotten how physical heartaches can feel.

Always look at the bigger picture

HEADS UP, GUYS!

Welcome to..Paradise?

Whoa whoa, hold your horses!

Take a step back...look again.

:)

EXCITED

Melbourne

Friends

Holiday

Friends

MELBOURNEEE :D

*whew*

I have 2 things I want to thank my God for today, and they are:

1. That I was allocated to the 2nd group for my Histopathology exam, which started at 9 am and not 8 am. I overslept by a good 45 minutes and woke up JUST in time to be able to have a quick shower and breakfast and rush out of the house to get to uni by 8.30 am. IF my exam was at 8 am I would've been screwed. A later bus, I would've been screwed as well.

2. That there was ONE spare microscope during my Histopathology exam, because mine broke halfway. (Yes, I seem to be quite the destructive type, I have burnt out a couple of lightbulbs in recent times.) IF there was no spare microscope, I would've had to take some time to repair mine, which means less time for the exam, which means I would've been screwed too.

So THANK YOU GOD! :)

Exam Blues

I keep getting the feeling that I should be doing something with my life.

Like..a hobby or something. Sport? Music?

Something worthwhile.

"I gotta get outta here

I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell

Into by mistake"

-Be My Escape, Relient K-

*pat pat*

Following my post from a week back..

Apparently, I am now the object of ridicule and scorn among the nurses at HITH RPH and some of my classmates, over my fainting episode.

*sighs*

Can't say that I didn't see it coming, can't say that I'm surprised..

But boy. Quiteeee a blow to the ego, this is.

Something worth patting myself on the shoulder for, I reckon. :(

Ngeh. It will soon come to pass, and like every other blooper in life, be something to laugh over in the future.

On the bright side, I have FINALLY completed IMC's 2010 Camp Trailer Video!

It's caused me a reasonable amount of stress, to be honest, because of the other million things I have to get done for uni and also because I'd never done anything like this before.

BUT IT'S DONE! YAYYYY!

I am so proud of myself at the moment - another thing worth patting myself on the back for, yup yup! :)

crowds

It was so crowded on the train this morning that I had to keep my head down to avoid being kissed.

Instead of the usual staring at chests (because chests are all I see at eye-level), i was face-to-face with an Asian old man and a Chinese lady. yes, we were standing THAT close.

How uncomfortable! :( Total invasion of space! (Well, I suppose they could say the same about me..although in reality it's nobody's fault)

The prospect of getting squashed by an off-balanced ginormous angmo actually seemed more appealing.

..More appealing than being kissed by Asian old man and Chinese lady.

That's right. I gave it some thought.

Eugh.

Irony

I was at RPH today for my Hospital in the Home (HITH) placement, where I was meant to follow nurses around while they took care of the different patients.

Had the opportunity to see two diabetic feet - one was ulcerated, the other, 3 toes had just been taken off. The sight might make you retch, but I was fine. It was rather interesting actually, compared to normal mediocre toenail cases.

Then I saw a pilonidal cyst. I remember feeling abit sick, because there was a little bit of a yukky smell as well. Felt really light-headed, so I left the room for a breather. Next thing I know, I was on the floor, and the nurse was asking me repeatedly if I was alright.

I had fainted, for a few seconds.

I have no recollection of re-entering the room, but according to the nurse, I'd followed her in and just collapsed.

As a result, I ended up being a patient at the RPH Emergency Dept instead of being the Podiatric student observing patients. Lol. Funny how life throws you around sometimes hey? Had some blood taken, had an oxygen mask strapped onto my face, had my pulse taken, had an ECG done. Apparently my pulse was really low when I lost consciousness - 80/40?

But all vital signs improved after being taken to the ED. It was quite an experience, I must say. Looking at the ceiling while being wheeled to ED, it was just like in the movies. I see flashes upon flashes of light, and I hear the nurse asking me how I am every few minutes.

There was a bit of a conduction delay from my atria to the ventricles, the nurses told me, but I was otherwise fine. I just have to go see a GP now. Also Pastor and Auntie Kim came - I must've filled up a form and entered their details where it'd said 'In case of emergency, please ring:'. Thank God :) What would I do without them?

All that time, I didn't feel scared or worried - I know God's in control. It wasn't anything like a near-death experience, and it wasn't like I was struggling to stay awake. It felt pretty normal. Lol. Crazy as it sounds.

And one other thing: I couldn't think of anything else but the sandwich I was going to have for lunch (I didn't end up eating it, because the patient arrived, and I fainted) because my brother made it for me. That made me sad. :(

This will probably be one of the most interesting hospital placements I will ever have, I think.

Looking at camp pictures

Dear Duncs,

i wonder how you're doing.

it's been a long while.

i hope you're smiling, like you always are in the pictures.

like you always do when i see you.

i hope you know He's right there by your side.

and so are we.

i can't wait to see how far you can go now. :)

until then, big smiles.

Praying for you,

Mel (yes, it sounds just like your brother Mal-colm).

Loving Your Enemies

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."

-Martin Luther King, JR-

An epiphany! I have come up with the perfect solution to loving difficult people.

Think about the ONE GOOD QUALITY they have. Juuuuust one.

It doesn't matter that they have a thousand other bad qualities. It doesn't matter that they've wronged you in the past. It doesn't matter that you've tried again and again to forgive them, but seem to have failed. It doesn't matter that the sight of them makes you spin a 180 degrees on the spot and start walking in the other direction.

Just think of that one. good. thing.

And hang on as hard as you can to it.

...now to see if this actually works. :)