Normal with a capital N

i can't believe it's time for uni again tmrw. supersadface. like, where did my weekend go?!

mm...least i've gotten somewhere with my tute presentation. now to finish it off before friday, coz nxt weekend's just gonna zoom by again.

Disciple was especially challenging today. okay, rephrase. auntie kim just threw us a whole lot of questions today that hit me. gave me a good jolt back, made me realize a few things.

Number One. i realize i've been taking things too easy. slacking off on a few responsibilities here and there, always thinking "ahh, i'll make up for it next time." i don't know. at the time, it doesn't seem so big a deal. but like it or not, they accumulate. today i faced my Tab of Irresponsibilities (yes, a tab). i felt bad. guilty. and..bleh. i feel as if i'm not performing up to standards, not meeting requirements, not being who i'm expected to be. not being good enough.

sometimes, it makes me wonder if i'm the right person for the job, can i make myself the person for the job, do i want to be the person for the job? hmm.

Next. why be normal if you were meant to stand out? i'm not saying i'm this awesome super duper cool person who also happens to be hot and smart and pretty and..basically anything good you can think of :P (yeah, okay. go ahead, laugh.)

i know this for a fact: i do have my own little..quirks. most of the time, they don't bother me. but on the rare occasion that they do..it would be nice if i were abit more...Normal.

i also wonder if i'll keep my faith going to the very very end of the end. i hope i make it. wait, what am i talking about? I.Will.Make.It. Philippians 4:13!

Number Four. i realize seeing people upset gets me upset. sometimes i end up being more upset than them. is this Normal?! o.0

sighs. i suppose these are things i can work on. just a matter of putting my mind to it, after God, that is. this post is quite depressing, makes you think i'm wallowing in my own self-pity or smth. but this is like the only place i can vent without sounding too much of a...lame-ass. or maybe i still sound like one. whatev. i'm so tired now.

anyways, i would like to go to some high place and shout at the world one day. just for the sake of it. (:

on a cheerier note: watching Tiffany play the cello as part of the WA Youth Orchestra through a monocular (as opposed to binoculars) tonight made me happy. (: (: perhaps it is because i've accomplished 1/3 of my '09 resolutions. or perhaps it is because she was actually looking in my direction as i was looking at her so that it seemed as if we had eye contact over a few hundred people. or perhaps it is just because Tiff rocks my socks.