ohmygoodness

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

the horror. :O

of murtabak, prata and teh tariks.

stuff what my brain's been telling me (for quite a while now), today was therapy.

awesome weather. weeds taller than me.

telepathically willing dogs to attack each other.

getting totally disorientated and entering another 'dimension' (haha).

just talking, laughing.

just you being you and me being me.

and above all, just hangin' out.

on my part, it was with a clear conscience, there was no tugging at anybody's heartstrings, nothing complicated of that sort.

it was just like old times, and it was good.

not that i 'lost' you along the way..and not like we 'fell out' or anything like that, but i think both space and time-out are on their way to having served their purpose completely. for me, at least.

and so after all that's happened - the emotional turmoil, the tears and frowns (unseen, of course), and the heart-guarding - i guess what i'm really trying to say is that i have missed you, friend.

so yeah, i guess i really am okay. but if that was a blinded statement made based on the fact that i had such a good morning, then at the very least, i know i'm getting there. fer sho! :)

"..So who knows oh oh maybe I'm feeling better

And you know oh oh baby I'm getting better

And I feel alive with you

Baby I'm getting better

And I feel alright with you

Baby I'm getting there.."

- Baby I'm Getting Better, Gyroscope-

Mark 9:24

"Please, allow me my moment of weakness."

I was only looking for a shortcut home

But it's complicated, so complicated

Somewhere in this city is a road I know

Where we could make it

But maybe there's no making it now.

Too long we've been denying

Now we're both tired of trying

We hit a wall, and we can't get over it

Nothing left to relive

It's water under the bridge

You said it, I get it

I guess it is what it is.

- It Is What It Is, Lifehouse -

Love this song, but these lyrics just make me feel so sad.

pang

not sure what it was, or how to even describe it..

but i definitely felt it.

Circle of Death

#1. Gotta love the birthday girl. :)

"Ok, topic is dogs. Name any type of dog."

Esther: Labrador!

Mel : Dalmatian!

Nick : Chihuahua!

Andrew : Samoyed!

STA : WOLF!

The rest of us: DRINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! LOLOLOL.

#2. Quote of the night by Esther.

"Man, look at us, we're all so red, except for Andrew, he's not red coz he's too black to turn red."

#3. Cerebral dysfunction is what happens when I drink.

Esther : Mel! Mel! Whats 81 divided by 9?

Mel : TWO!

Good times. :) But never again. Not this much, not this fast, anyway.

This is for you

And in the midst of it all, I see your strength and courage

I see you smile despite the weight on your shoulders

I smile back at you, but on the inside, I'm also crying with you

Yet I have hope.

Hope in my heart, hope in you..and hope in Him.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

- Romans 5:3-5 -

refuge

is (currently) listening to 'Closer to the Edge' by 30 Seconds to Mars on loop.

i know some people who would consider this to be screamer music (my parents, for one). and honestly, i thought it was a bit chaotic when i first listened to it.

but now i love it.

maybe it's the fact that 30 seconds to Mars remind me of Linkin Park (who will always rock, no matter how crappy their albums seem to be getting.. :P).

it could be because i'm blown away by the supermegaawesome e-guitar+drum combo that you're hearing in the background.

or maybe because the official video started off by saying things like "Live life to the fullest,", and "Don't regret whatever you've done or whatever's happened, because those things make you who you are." Stuff like that.

or maybe it's because they're screaming their lungs out, pouring all their feelings and emotions into the words of the song, letting themselves become absorbed in the music, letting themselves be the music..letting themselves go.

maybe it's got nothing to do at all with the song per se, but everything to do with me drowning myself in this song, just taking everything in to block everything else out.

in any case, it's comforting, particularly with speakers/headphones with a bass booster. :)

"NO, I'M NOT SAYING I'M SORRY

ONE DAY MAYBE WE'LL MEET AGAIN

NO, NO, NO, NO..."

-Closer to the Edge, 30 Seconds to Mars-